omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
