are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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