So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
