Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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