so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
