Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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