My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
