Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
