Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
