real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
