Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
