What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
