i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
