A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
