Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
