plz talk dirty to me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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