Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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