we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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