If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Holy shit dude........stairs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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