Nicole vs. Life
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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