I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
