just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
