when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
