shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
