evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
