i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
there is puke in my bra ... again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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