awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
