The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
