And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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