Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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