Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
