break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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