I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
