Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
