so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
