i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
