Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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