he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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