Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
someone owes me an orgasm
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
