I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I still have a little drunk in my system
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
