It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
