its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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