home. puking in laundry basket.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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