What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
