Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
