Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
there is glitter all over my balls
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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