I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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