Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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