in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
