why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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