Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
