I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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