My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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